What Demonetisation Made me Grateful for in 2017

  1. We are still alive in 2017! So many died in 2016. As my libby friend says “Say a silent prayer for those souls liberated from Modi’s rule and ATM deaths!”
  2. Despite dire predictions of riots (by no less a luminary than the Chief Justice of India), starvation, destitution and what have you, demonetisation went off very well. On the last day of 2016 was able to draw money without difficulty, 100 Rupee notes too. All ATMs, at least near where I live, were well stocked and had no souls floating around except the security guard. Some Liberals inform me that the ghosts of those dead due to demonetisation are floating around ATMs. I would take that with a sackful of salt because Liberals lie all the time (it’s a global phenomenon). They claim they are atheists and should not therefore believe in ghosts and because all  ‘demonetisation deaths’ are the creation of the fertile imagination of Fiberals. Any death within 10 km of a Bank branch or ATM qualifies for Death by Demonetisation.
  3. All maids, drivers, cooks etc. who serve the toiling celebrities, were finally able to buy the provisions and vegetables so badly needed for keeping their family alive. These families had been starved by Modi for 50 days due to his thoughtless act of demonetisation. Incidentally, my maid only got delayed by an hour on one day for drawing money during the 50 day period. It is only maids, cooks and dhobis of celebrities who were not able to draw money. (Am rather surprised that labourers and farmers were the only ones that had to stand in queues every day for drawing money. Wonder if they earn that much.)
  4. Modi did not serve any surprises in his year end speech which benefited people buying homes, pregnant women and senior citizens. So those inclined to tipple did so without inhibitions. In fact so relieved were many men that some went on a grope binge on Brigade Road in Bengaluru. Only the cameras of Times Now caught them in the act. All the CC TV cameras installed by the Police could not capture the group grope better than Times Now. This allowed Navika to do an Arnab impression by saying “You saw it first on Times Now!” (Before someone shouts Misogynist, let me assure everyone that I am as anxious as anyone else to find the gropers.)
  5. My milk supplier and cable operator finally accepted cheques in payment. Thanks to Modi! Digital India or not, we had Cheque Payment India.
  6. The ATM in my apartment complex progressed from not having any money to having only Rs 2000 notes.
  7. I finally got the hang of PayTM and used it for the first time to pay my Uber cab today. I can now buy vegetables without having to say “Cash illa, aameli koduthini!” (No cash, will pay later!). Yes my friendly neighbourhood vegetable vendor accepts payment through PayTM
  8. The bakery on the Main Road near my place has applied for a POS machine and will soon accept cards.
  9. Ma Banerjee and Kejri went mad with grief when all their ‘donations’ evaporated in a trice. Their protests against demonetisation flopped as they could not ‘rally round’ their followers because their cash had turned to instant fertilizer.
  10. I can still touch my toes and see my chappals when I look down, as my middle age spread has not spread too far (for all those who think this is nothing, wait till you turn 64!). This is because of all the running around I did walking to my bank 3 km away! The collateral benefit of turning 64 is that I could stop singing the iconic Beatles song When I’m 64, as one looks pretty silly singing it when one has turned 64! For those who have not heard it, here it is! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAzaOZfgf0M
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